but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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