Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
