I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
okay pat passed out under dana's car
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
And he's back on taking these stupid testosterone supplements to kickstart him back into working out. And they just make him angry and horny all the time. I'm like great, just in time to meet my whole family for Christmas.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I AM DRUNK AND AGGRESSIVE ABOUT CURLING!
The US is in the finals, aren't they.
I just lived through a real life episode of jersey shore.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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