were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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