Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Randomize