fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
