Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
