im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
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