You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
