your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
