smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
