his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Princesses don't give blow jobs
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize