didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Vodka?
Forever.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
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