you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
