gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
you missed kickoff and the first round of bodyshots. I suggest you get here now.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
Randomize
