Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Randomize
