Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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