No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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