i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
