So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
