I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize
