it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
There's Dick Pix, Zorro, and The Little Engine that Could. I nickname my fuck buddies for the exact same reason why you don't name animals which you will one day have for dinner.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
