he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
Today's weekday brunch started at 2pm, and consisted of $7 of sandwich and $50 of cocktails. Also, I hustled the bartender for about $3 playing nickel poker, but he may have been letting me win. Either way, he didn't get into my pants.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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