so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
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