Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
Kiss
Puke
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
