do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I GPSed you we're an hour and 14min away from each other
and it's going to stay that way
She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
Randomize
