so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
