Tell her she can't have a vagina
Nipple clamps can be ambiguous
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
