i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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