Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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