You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO BE A DRUNK WHEN ALL MY ENABLERS ARE BUSY?!
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize
