Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We should search craigslist for porches to sublet.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
