There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
