They should really pass out barf bags in church
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
get to allyx's house asap
Ok is everything ok
Yeah, theres just lesbians
omg yes on my way
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
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