I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize