i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
They have some sort of agreement that they can sleep with other people if it helps then achieve their goal, or something like that
How awkward
Yeah it's pretty fucked up
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
