Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
he's gonorrhea incarnate
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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