I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I'm so busy i barely have time to have sex with myself. I have to talk myself into it like an old married couple.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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