i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Costco (TM). Making alcoholism affordable!
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Randomize