there's paper in my vomit.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
Steve is gonna hang his bear rug on the wall because he doesn't trust us not to have sex on it...
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
