it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
Randomize
