its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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