Church boner. Awkwardddd
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
