I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Randomize
