I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
I can't talk to her. I know entirely too much about her genitals to hold a conversation without mentioning them.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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