so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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