you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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