quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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