I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
Randomize