Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Randomize
