did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
where are you?
Hypothermia
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
