I don't usually arrange sex via text message
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
All the doctor said was why
Randomize
