11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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