Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
Lesson of the night: never take shots out of a bottle you found under a couch in a frat house. I have no idea where I am
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
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