Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
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