Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
