I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I just hemmed my dress for halloween, never felt more like a man
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
Randomize
