Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
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