bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
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