handjob tips. give me some.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Randomize
