I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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