you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Randomize
