i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
