I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
Randomize
