so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Boobs are out for the taking
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Weird. And pubic lice are now endangered so your hairy balls can rest easy
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