just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
