just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
