I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
BGSU move in weekend. Just passed a house w a beer pong table set up, ppl already playing, girls holding signs that say "son drop off". It's 10:30 am.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
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