just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
