im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
I feel like I had a successful night. I flashed the guy at the liquor store last night for 2 free tshirts and a giant redbull.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
