Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
