you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
