My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Somehow reaching for the flaming hot cheetos ended up in the best sex of my life
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Randomize
