Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
