3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Randomize
