I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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