I want to stick my p in your. b.
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
