I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
