you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize