if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
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