Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Randomize
