I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Crop dusting thru forever 21
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