so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Casually on the bus at 830 in the morning with a box of cheezits and a bottle of fireball sticking out of my purse....
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
