My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
