It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
