So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
should my penis look like a turkey
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
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