I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Jumanji is 1000% better stoned while cooking breakfast.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
I'm extremely upset that I wasted my "having sex with a guy at work" card on him
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
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