We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I don't care who it's from we're getting blown. It's a 3 day weekend anything can happen
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
When you are old and getting humped by saggy balls every other weekend you are gonna wish you had more sex with freshly legal boys. Your vagina will thank you one day. Don't let her down.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Randomize
