He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
Randomize
