FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
