TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
