I'm really into asian looking animals
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
