He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
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