there's paper in my vomit.
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Randomize
