I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
Yup. We're now banned from TWO of our nation's finest zoos.
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
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