dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize