life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Randomize