I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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