why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Farmville is her only friend.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
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