I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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