Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
