ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
sorry bout that man. went out to pay the pizza boy, ended up hooking up with some random drunk girl that thought i was someone else
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
