you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
cant one of your roommates drive you?
You came in my eye once. You owe me.
ill be there in 20
Randomize
